Oh, how some of us long for that incredible happily ever after!
When you get butterflies in your stomach and feel as if you’re in a James Blunt music video, and love is in the air.
People who have been married at some point in their lives, or who are still married, overwhelmingly agree that this is not what marriage is about.
Unlike falling in love, married life demands collaboration, dedication, and a great deal of conformity.
Perhaps even more than you were willing to contribute as a single person.
So, yes, it’s difficult, but it’s also worthwhile.
That’s exactly what this thread from the Ask Men subreddit demonstrates.
“What odd marriage advise sounded silly but turned out to be spot-on helpful?” someone said, igniting a fascinating discussion about this difficult yet rewarding game known as life: marriage edition.
My grandfather told me ” Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink” . What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talkingImage credits: t480
Dad said “Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe *especially* if you’re not feeling it.”Image credits: semantician
Be honest. Don’t lie to your partner.Image credits: Mikeydeeluxe
My fiance always says that “just because” flowers are the best kind of flowers.Image credits: agaribay1010
‘Don’t worry about what other people think is ‘normal.’ I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don’t need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage.Image credits: lizardo94
It’s ok to go to bed angry.
We’ve always been told not to go to bed angry but sometimes a night of sleep can change your perspective and help with resolution.Image credits: Virtual-Cupcake-1510
Grandma said “love is like coffee. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it’s only great when you get it ‘the way you like it’. Make sure you get what you want”.Image credits: Pathfinder91606
The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.
Source: married 15 years.Image credits: LemonFizzy0000
Looks fade, marry someone who you enjoy talking to. -grandma
I also feel strongly about this one.
Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don’t have to always do them together. I couldn’t imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.Image credits: catalystkjoe
My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I’ll be damned if that wasn’t one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there’s enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face.Image credits: /thecountnotthesaint
You don’t just marry her, you marry her whole damn family.Image credits: crazyprsn
Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me.Image credits: ColonialSpore
It’s totally OK to sleep in separate beds…or even separate rooms if that’s what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleepImage credits: Educational-Candy-17
Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won’t last.Image credits: BOS_to_HNL
My step mom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude:
>”The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss”
So, like, yea… for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn’t wash away the toothpaste spit… f*****g annoys me.
*If/when she’s gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she’s there will be gone too.*
Don’t nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know … she has made progress on other things I’ve pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes).Image credits: drewkungfu
‘Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed.Image credits: jillannk3
“Don’t criticise each other’s driving – it leads down a dark path”Image credits: nellucd
Marry him for who he is. Not his potential.Image credits: There-is-No-Beyond
On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, ‘Always remember it’s the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.’ It’s been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years.Image credits: XANDERtheSHEEPDOG
The point of arguing is not to win. It’s to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.Image credits: gaygirl98
When an argument is brewing stop and eat something, you may just be hungry.Image credits: Far_Opportunity_8690
Decide whether or not a fight is really worth having. Think: ‘If it doesn’t matter tomorrow, does it really matter today?Image credits: daenaries
Mine is almost the exact opposite. My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I’m not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you’ve got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.Image credits: cometdogisawesome
When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. “If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.” So I did. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.
The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one… equipped to provide.Image credits: wordserious
If you’re doing marriage right, the ‘dating phase’ of your relationship never endsImage credits: FarWoods
Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you’re married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don’t feel smothered.
The best advice I ever got is to have realistic expectations of one another. Lofty expectations that go unmet are the root of unhappiness.Image credits: BluePinky
Marry your best friend — the person you like to have random conversations with, who interests you, who makes you laugh a lot. Marry the one you can spend all your time with, the one who will support you in tough times and good times. That is ‘the one’.Image credits: DeanSmartin
Gratitude is not a balancing act. Don’t just be grateful for the ‘extra’ things your spouse does; be grateful for every single thing. You can shop for food, prepare it, cook it, clear the table, and load the dishwasher. But if your partner empties the dishwasher, thank them for it and feel it.Image credits: Snuffleupagus03
Know each other’s love language. And your own! You could pour your heart into something that you would appreciate receiving (whether it’s gifts, time, conversation, touch, etc.) and have it fall flat because your partner responds more naturally to something else.Image credits: bethramseya
‘The grass is greener when you water it.’ This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it.Image credits: Jancer3lla
My wife’s nonna: when you have children you life is over.
Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It’s the little things that show you care.
The whole “women talk to share emotions not to find solutions” still feels totally bizarre and wrong to me but it works so well it’s like a cheat code or something.
Whoever cares the most gets to choose (within reason obviously). Maybe you don’t care which restaurant you eat at tonight, so you let her choose. But maybe when your parents come to visit, you care a lot about where you take them. Then you choose.
Clean up after yourself for God’s sake.
Focus on tackling the problem, not each other
Intimacy isn’t about sex.
Moma said “don’t come whinning to me about your wife, go talk to her”….and don’t spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.
My mom told me this once,
>S**t happens. No matter how bad it is between you and your spouse, never let anyone know your problems other than your spouse.
When we told our problems, especially to a different sex, that’d be another problem coming in. That’s where the third person arises.
“Have a threesome before you get married or marry a chick who likes tits as much as you!”
Don’t marry a woman that has horses. She will always be broke, you will never be first, and your schedule will revolve around feedings.
Pop, who married a woman that had horses.
Always act like it’s the last time you’ll see them. Cause it might be. My mother passed last year at 45 from her second bout with cancer. Middle of the night, my dad said he’s glad he stayed up later to spend a few more minutes with her. To tell her he loved her. You never know when you’ll never see them again.
Also pride doesn’t belong in your marriage, if you have any self pride leave it at the door both you and your partner serve each other and support each other, each putting the other first and accept that they are giving it their all even if their all isn’t what it was last month.
A meme when I was first getting married was, “Happy wife, happy life”. Which has some degree of accuracy.
But much later, I learned the better version, which I should have been more considerate of: “Happy Spouse, Happy House”.
Marriage is like a business. Most fail. Some are exceptional. Discuss and set some goals. And definitely get your financial house in order.
After having a baby you will fight and argue a lot. You will both be exhausted from lack of sleep, and that causes high emotions. It won’t last. Be aware it’s coming. Do the best you can to work together.
My grandma told me that she wished she had been a tart (ie a bit slutty) before she got married. Sow your wild oats whilst you are young and single!!!
Grab each other’s butts as often as possible. Keep the flirtation alive.
As Rita Rudner said about changing your SO, “That pie’s baked. If you want a different flavor, get a different pie.”
everyone gets their own sheets when you sleep.
Don’t share your arguments with your family. It will paint a bad image of your spouse.
This is VERY true and will cause more annoying issues than you need in life.
My dad told me “No matter how right you are about something – stay silent and let her rattle. She’ll run out of steam eventually.
You’ve said nothing you regret, nothing that can be held against you, and she’s smart enough to figure out you were right, completely on her own.
If you’re wrong: admit it, apologize, and shut up.
Either way, let her talk. Clearly women don’t fart; therefore we let them vent through b****ing, so they don’t explode.”
They were married for 40 years. He did something right.
“collars and leashes work just as well for your b***h as they do your dog”
-80+ year old great uncle at my wedding.
“Touching need be about more than just sex man, you got to touch for the sake of love and connection.”
-20 year old drug dealer at my wedding
My dad used to tell me this. “You can only control two things in this life. Your thoughts and your actions. The rest is out of your control and you need to let it go.”
I used to think it was so stupid when I was a kid but man has it been spot on as I became an adult.
My mom told me once (still can’t decide if this is good or bad- I think just realistic, which helped me!): “if you’re expecting 50/50 all the time you’re going to be disappointed a lot. Sometimes it’s 60/40, sometimes it’s 70/30, sometimes it’s 90/10. You’ll have times where he’s doing it all, and he’ll have times where you’re doing it all.” I think what she meant was basically “marriage is (hopefully) long. Don’t keep score.”
Before I was married I had an irregular heart beat due to single-guy life choices.
Doctor prescribed meds for it, but told me the best option is to get married.
Now I’m married — i.e. regular sleeping schedule, eat healthy meals at home, drink less, lost weight — and no more heart problem.
One of my colonels told me: “just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.”