Agape Charmani for Art-Sheep
Every time you feel like you can’t take it anymore and you think you’re having it worse than everybody else, remember; there are some forgotten, doleful, sad characters in the history of art, who once had it really hard, and their artists depicted their frustration and disappointment for the world to see –and basically keep seeing till the very end.
1. Helen in Helen of Troy by Frederick Sandys, 1867
Helen actually had enough with everybody’s problems and decided that men are a waste of time, since her husband and her lover got into a 10-year-long war for her. She is surely extremely disappointed by everyone and everything. Interesting fact of the day: turns out ancient Greeks were gingers after all.
2. Raphael in his Self-portrait, 1504-6
Raphael for sure had many reasons to be pissed for. First of all, he kept eating his eternal rival’s dust, as Michelangelo would always seem to be a creative step ahead. Secondly, and in connection to the first, he never got over the fact that Michelangelo was commissioned to paint the Sistine Chapel instead of him. Don’t feel sorry for Raphael just yet though. Actually don’t feel sorry for him at all, as he is one of the most famous artists in art history and had the joy(?) of dying after and because of having sex.
3. A poor dude in The King Drinks, Jacob Jordaens, 1640
It’s extremely sad how some people just can’t hold their alcohol.
Epiphany is a celebration of drinking and eating with family and friends, while one person gets to be the king for one day. All kinds of things are going down on The Kings Drinks. Apart from women whipping their babies’ asses, there are people who are hilariously wasted, vomiting all over Jordaens’ painting.
No one can replace our “hoodied” friend in the back though, whose expression perfectly showcases how much he had to drink(?)
4. Achilles in Thetis Bringing the Armor to Achilles, Benjamin West, 1808
“Oh come on mom! I told you I don’t feel like fighting today, my boy Patroclus died, I’m probably staying in”.
If you feel castrated by your mother and you’re just a human being, imagine how semi-god Achilles must have felt when his mother Thetis made a fool of him, when in front of his pals, brought his armor and basically told him to man up and go to war.
5. Oblibion in Venus, Cupid, Folly, and Time, Agnolo Bronzino, 1545
Last but not least, the most unlucky amongst our characters is definitely Oblivion.
Not only, and despite his breathtaking performance, he is not the leading star in the painting he’s featured in, but he is not even credited in the title. The dude is for sure pissed off, especially after witnessing Venus making out with Cupid. But the fact that really drives him crazy, is how nobody really cares whether he is on that painting or not.